


I hate me, you love me

by Raeskywalker



Category: Magi: Adventure of Sinbad (Anime), Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Original Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-08-21 08:38:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16573262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raeskywalker/pseuds/Raeskywalker
Summary: Warning! Self-harm, referenced rape and torture.Jafar had been missing for 2 months, disappeared and Sinbad is going to turn the whole world upside down to find him.But when Jafars' found, he's not the same and Sinbad will do whatever it takes to help him.But will it be enough,or is Jafar not only on the way to self-destruction but becoming fallen...





	1. Bitter Pain Of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after Adventures of Sinbad, but before Labyrinth of magic.  
> There will either be 4 or 5 chapters.
> 
> Warning! Self-harm, referenced rape and torture.  
> Just for the sake of this fic, Yamuraiha can heal with water and Yunan can as well.
> 
> I don't own either anime series, otherwise, there would be a season 3!

He heard muffled shouting, but he couldn't hear what about.  
Did it matter?  
Did anything matter anymore?  
After spending day upon day in darkness, nothing to eat, nobody to accompany him except his wretched screams and the sadistic men.  
If anyone asked Jafar if he had one wish, he would reply with his hoarse voice;  
I want to die.  
The sharp biting of the chains, fused with a magic that constantly drained his magoi prevented him from escaping.  
He drifted into a hurtful sleep, his dreams of freedom always taunting him mocking his tears, of what he could never have.  
His last thought was on the lilac haired king.  
....

Sinbad kept searching, no one would convince him that he was dead.  
The eight of them sat at a mahogany table, a map outstretched red dots representing the places they had searched.  
Scarlet blobs were scattered over most of the map.  
"Sinbad, maybe it's time to consider that Jafar is ...." Yamuraiha's voice trembled, choking on a sob as her lover, Sharrkan pulled her into an embrace.  
Weary, solemn gazes bored into Sinbad, as he hesitated.  
He had considered the thought, he knew that every new search they had conducted tore up any hope that still resided in his generals.  
And yet, when he thought about his silky white hair, steely grey eyes he couldn't even begin to imagine living without him.  
Because the truth was, that he enjoyed Jafars' company.  
He cherished the memories, the fond times where no matter what happened Jafar would be there for him.  
And the battles, the ones that brought the darkness out of Jafar and sent shivers down Sinbads' spine.

Sinbad shook his head, letting out an exhausted sigh,  
ignoring Yamuraihas' earlier statement he spoke coldly  
"We have to consider that the people who took him, know him personally..." He trailed off as a pure cloud of Rukh appeared, the sheer amount of them made him cover his eyes.  
When the bright butterfly-like things fluttered out into the near-by corridors and windows, a lonesome figure came into view.  
His emerald green wizard hat framed his gentle cerulean eyes, his soft hair weaved into a plait and hung on his shoulder.  
The matching pearl white and emerald attire he wore lightly rustled in the faint wind, he leaned on his wooden staff, ivy skittered up the ancient wood.

"What do you want Yunan?" He questioned impatiently, he didn't have time for the magi's riddles and the sooner Yunan was gone the sooner he could start searching again.  
"I have heard that your adviser has gone missing."  
Yunans' voice was sorrowful as he glanced at Sinbads' messy ponytail, drained ghost-like skin framing his coal black bags under his eyes. The slumped position he held himself and the wrinkled silk robes showed the exhausted man.  
"What-Do-You-Want" Sinbad snapped, not able to control his emotions.  
But Sinbad couldn't care less, he was so tired, his heart full of anguish and guilt.  
Yunan didn't even blink, not fazed by the outburst as he responded calmly, trying not to irritate the king any more than needed  
"I think I can help."  
Sinbad scoffed, immediately dismissing the statement, "You think you can help? And how exactly can you manage what we have been doing for 2 months."

"Sinbad, maybe we should hear what he has to say," Sharrkan added and the others found themselves agreeing as he continued "if he knows anything about Jafar, shouldn't we at least listen."  
"Fine," Sinbad agreed dejected, having no energy to fight anymore.  
"First thing, Jafar is alive."  
Sighs of relief and bubbles of tense laughter echoed around the room and Yunan couldn't help a ghost of a smile appearing on his lips, which disappeared as he proceeded;  
"However, I have heard rumours of a gang called Red Viper that.." He hesitated, trailing off as he glanced at Pisti.  
His gaze fluttered to Sinbads' impatient stare.  
He sighed, his expression darkening as he resumed, "That are known to kidnap, torture and eventually kill the victims"  
The heavy silence was deafening, cut short by Sinbad slamming his hands onto the table.  
"And what makes you think that they have Jafar?" Sinbad spat, his piercing gold eyes narrowing.  
"Because," Yunan rushes, cutting off hate-filled tone "they have a preference for white hair and grey-eyed males."  
...  
Sinbad, Yamuraiha, Sharrkan and Masrur docked the ship as the other four generals stood waving as they set sail.  
Sinbad fiddled with a gold coin, thoughts occupying Yunans' serious words 

"You don't know what state he's going to be in, so be prepared for the worst. If you find him flip the coin to contact me and I will do everything I can to help."  
Not for the first time, Sinbad cursed the fact Yunan was the best healer in the lands.  
"Why are you helping us? What do you want?" Sinbads' tone turned suspicious as he regarded the magi.  
Yunan exhaled, his breath curled like smoke in the frosty night.  
"Sometimes not all rewards are materialistic."

Sinbad glanced at his peaceful kingdom and he prayed to any higher being that the next time he arrived, Jafar would be with him.

...

TBC


	2. Tear The World Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for torture, rape and self-harm.  
> And my terrible use of time skips.  
> Please comment and like, they make my day.
> 
> Tenebris malum means Dark evil in Latin.

"Well? Jafar? You look pathetic! Absolutely pathetic."  
"You think anyone is going to look for you? Why would they, after all, in the end, you killed your parents."  
"You think that Sinbad actually replicates your disgusting feelings?"  
"You think he cares about you enough to search for you?"  
With glee, the man saw his taunts were working and even though the former assassin didn't lift his bowed head or snap back,  
he stiffened, flinching ever so slightly as the chains clinked.  
The man laced his fingers in the dirty, bloody hair, yanking Jafar up to sneer into his ear;  
"My spies have told me that he's already replaced you."  
Jafar barely acknowledged the sharp door slamming, his thoughts running around in his head.  
Sin didn't really replace him, did he?  
But what reason did he have to lie?  
The door creaked open and his heart plummeted into his chest, as he saw the familiar silhouette of his torturer.  
...  
"Now we are going to try something a little different today, ok Jaf?" The man leaned against the doorway,  
his scarred face, raspy voice to the cold merciless glint of evil unravelled his true sick desire.  
He had taken a liking to the assassin, at the first time he saw him as he slayed down his own parents to the hours of relentless torture he had put him through and still refused to break.  
He would break Jafar, no matter how. He would break him.  
"Tenebris Malum"  
The shadows jumped forward, at his sheer command holding down Jafars' cut up feet.  
As Jafar struggled ignoring how pain paced from his back, legs and chest the bonds tightened until he lay helpless on his back, the chains on his wrists fixed and the dark shadows making him loose sensation within both his legs.  
The man surged forward, chuckling at the feeble attempts of struggle as he sat on him.  
"Let's say we have some fun?" He grinned darkly as his cold hand roamed underneath the tattered shorts, palming Jafars' limp dick.  
Jafars' steel grey eyes widened in fear as he began to thrash wildly, the vicious lacerations that littered his back were split open, pooling blood in the rough concrete.  
No!  
He didn't want this!  
The man watched amused, his dick growing as he saw the horror on Jafars' face, Oh! this was going to be fun!  
"Please" Jafar whispered hoarsely "Anything but that."  
The man only laughed manically, his fingers leaving the warm dick, he watched as Jafar seemed to sag in relief to hysterical again as he saw the man unzipping his own trousers.  
He bent over as he licked Jafars' ear, murmuring  
"Do you think the king likes used things?"  
Help me Sin he thought desperately  
...

Sinbad paced the deck, for what seemed to be the 100th time, his thoughts solely on the assassin, what if's crawled their way into his head.  
What if they got there too late?  
What if this was another wild goose chase?  
What if...  
He continued pacing and concluded, he would find Jafar, even if he had to tear the world apart.  
And when he did, whoever took him would finally undergo the wrath of Sinbad.  
Shouting cut him off from his thoughts, he glanced up to see the distant land of Akjalbah.  
Hold on Jafar, he thought we're coming.

A/N I know it's really short, but it is needed.  
TBC...


	3. One step forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for rape, sucide and torture.  
> This chapter will probably have alot of mistakes because I am writing this from my phone.

They sprinted through the hallway, slaying down enemy after enemy.   
Not wasting more energy than needed as they made their way to the small door at the end of the hallway.   
Sin glanced at his companions, grim lines set on each of their faces as he barged through the door.

A middle-aged man stood in the middle of the empty room, his faced horridly deformed by a scar that took up half his face. His pitch black eyes showed no emotion as he regarded the king.

A careless grin spread onto his face, as he calmly said "Well well, what a surprise. King Sinbad in the flesh!" He swept down into a mocking bow before continuing

"What have we done to grace us with your presence?"

Sinbad narrowed his piercing golding eyes before spitting out with so much rage, his arm clenching his sword so hard his knuckles turned white.

"You better not have fucking done anything to him, or I swear I will.."

The man burst out laughing, his cold voice echoing through the vast room.

"You will what? Kill me?" The man snorted, dismissing the thought.

"Please, you can't kill me. But since I like you I'll tell you something." 

The man disappeared, before reappering leaning into Sinbads' ear as he whispered 3 words that made him see red as he called upon Baal, directing bolts of lightning forong shot after shot as the man just laughed;  
Disappearing then reappering, dodging all attempts.

Yamraiha rushed forwards, grabbing Sinbads' arm as he prepared to shoot another blast. 

He was about to shove her off, before she quickly spoke   
"Don't you see that this is what he wants? He wants to wind you up, he wants you to use all of your magoi before attacking."

Realisation dawned upon him as he lowered his weapon, Yamraiha was right he was already half empty on magoi and if he continued attackong the way he was be would soon be drained. Usually it was Jafar who scolded him if this happened. 

He turned to Sharrkan, "what do we do?" He asked, his voice determined and strong.

...

"I found him!" A soft familiar voice cut through the darkness. 

He made no attempt to do anything, as his body screamed when he made any attempt to move.   
His dead grey eyes regarded the ceiling without seeing it.

But it didn't fucking matter what he did.  
Nothing mattered anymore.  
Because..  
In the end..  
Nobody was coming.  
And he wished they would hurry up and kill him.

The door creaked ooen and he didn't move.   
He didn't flinch or scramble away.

3 shadows entered the cell he called home.  
"Jafar?" The same soft voice called out.

"Yamra, can we get some light in here?" A second voice added. Male, his helpful brain provided and the first was female.

A bright blueish light surronded the room,   
"Jafar?" A gentle male voice said   
"Can you hear me?" The voice sounded so familiar..  
...

Jafar didn't even aknowledge Sinabds' question, Sin sighed knowing he had no choice but to call Yunan.  
The coin flipped as his face came into view,   
"Did you find him?" Yunan had a serious expression that didn't suit him. The frown only deepened as Sin nodded and for once in his life, he felt unsure what to do.

Fortunately, Yunan knew exactly what to do, calling forward Yamraiha and asking how much magoi she had left.

"Quite alot. Do you want me to heal him?" She asked.

Yunan denied before telling her to approach Jafar slowly and list his injuries.

As soon as she crouched next to the advisor, she chocked back a sob as she saw the heavy amount of deep whip-like marks dotting his chest.

As her eyes travelled down, she was startled into the fact he wasn't wearing pants.

She stumbled back as she glanced at his netheregions. She turned to her companions, her face portraying horror as she said 3 words that sent terror into Sinbads' heart  
"He's been raped."  
Sinbads' thoughts were cut off by Yunans' grim voice.  
"You need to focus, how bad is the injury?"   
"Umm?.. I don't.." Yamraiha panicked, her hands shook and tears threatened to spill over. She couldn't breathe. Couldn't breathe.

How could this happen?   
How could this happen to the kind man that never did anything wrong?!  
How could it..

Her thoughts were cut off as Sharrkan brought her into a warm hug, his arms rubbing soothing circles into her back as tears rolled down her eyes, her breaths short and gasping as she buried her head into his shoulder.

This lasted a few minutes before with the help of Sharrkan she made her way towards Jafar agian. Listing the major injuries and healing the life threatening ones, she muttered a spell and they arrived at the ship.

TBC...


	4. Two steps back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late I have been so busy. And the chapters from here on out are going to darker as Jafar struggles tjrough what happened.
> 
> Comments and kudos make my day!
> 
> TW Rape, Self harm, depression, torture

He could feel the man pinning him to the ground as he struggled, 

his scream muffled as the twisted man forced his tongue into his mouth, Jafar felt sick as the man moaned into his ear, silent tears slipped out of his eyes as the man ripped his breeches off. 

Jafars' heartwrwnching screams bounced off the cells towering walls, the man kept pounding into him as Jafar sagged, shaking as his tears relentlessly poured out of his eyes. As scarlet blood poured beneath him and staining the already reddish brown concrete even more his fingertips dug into the the cracks, peeling the already raw skin as his eyes clenched tight.

The horrid man eyed his prize, a sadistic grin spreading on his face, his raspy voice filling Jafars' head with lies.

"Whore."  
"Your enjoying this, what would your precious king think of you now? He would be disgusted with you."  
"Your so weak.."

...

Jafars' eyes shot open as he regarded where he was, bandages covered his body completely it reminded him of when he was an assasin..  
Instead of biting shackles, chains and the neverending frigid air of the cell he discovered he was on a silk covered bed...

He slowly raised himself off the bed biting his lip to stop himself making any sudden moves as he lifted himself onto his cut up feet.

Jafar trembled as he painfully shuffled forwards, leaning heavily onto the wall for support. Just as he was about to grab the door, it swung open and artifical light filled the room as the sillohete of someone he recognized immediately.

"Sin"

TBC


	5. Quiet in a raging storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is late guys!  
> I have been in a dark place and I completely forgot.
> 
> Warnings!  
> Anxiety attacks  
> Suicidal thoughts  
> Depression  
> PTSD  
> Self hate  
> Mentions of torture and rape!  
> Please please do not read if you're triggered
> 
> Kudos and comments much appreciated

Sinbad snapped out of his trance, his arms outstretched as Jafar swayed on his feet, slumping forwards.   
Catching the assassin moments away from plummeting towards the cold wooden floor.   
Hoisting him up, he carried Jafar towards the warm bed and as he gently placed him down, Jafar reached a shaky hand towards him, before thinking better and recoiled it as if he had touched a hot stove. 

Sinbad grabbed the frozen thin hand, lacing his fingers into his.   
They lingered like this, for a beat before Jafars' hoarse voice repeated   
"Sin", "You're real?"   
This was displayed more as a heartbroken question more than a statement.   
Sinbad smiled sorrowfully, replying "Yes Jafar, I'm real and you're safe."   
That word echoed in Jafars' mind   
Safe   
Safe   
Safe  
He was safe!   
He was home! 

You're never safe!   
Jafars' shot up, eyes wild as he searched for the source of the voice who gave him nightmares.   
Do you really think that the King can protect you?   
He hates you, he finds you disgusting!  
Sinbad's concerned voice broke through the man's cruel laugh,   
"Jafar? Are you.." The words died on his throat, the question stupid, he scolded himself.   
But he was at a loss as to what to do!   
Sinbad tried again, "Jafar, what do you need?"   
Jafar, eyes glassy, staring out into space had retracted his hand minutes ago, he had started shaking violently as he chanted in his head: 

This isn't real   
This isn't real   
This isn't real 

A few moments later he would rouse, back in biting chains, with the scarred man above him, ready to start their next session.   
His breathing started to come out faster and faster, tears poured down his face as he thought of him,   
the one he had lost his virginity to...   
The one that had finally broken him... 

Sinbad watched on helplessly as Jafars' face morphed into one of pure anguish, he didn't know what to do!   
The debate in his head finally stopped as a final decision was made.   
Sin stood up, telling himself that Jafar needed some peace and quiet. 

As he shut the door, the room was enveloped into darkness and Jafar sat, rocking back and forth as his strangled sobs grew louder.   
He couldn't breathe! It was dark, too dark!   
Jafar gradually stood up, his body shaking with effort as he made his way to the door, flinging the door open, supporting himself off the walls, he made his way to the nearest room, the bathroom.  
The candle inside was still burning unwaveringly and as he stretched out towards it, he collapsed, the hot wax settling onto his arm.   
Jafar stared at his now blistered arm, his mind was suddenly quiet.   
His breathing was still heavy and he was still trembling slightly, but his mind was quiet.   
Jafar reached for the candle and with a fascination poured more wax onto his trembling arm.   
TBC


End file.
